The Self-Hate Thing


I have been meaning to write about self-hate for a while, but I just have not felt really qualified to speak on the topic.  I have had people tell me that I don’t like myself or that I have low self-esteem.  I think maybe they are making an assumption based on the way I look.  I am a complainer maybe that is what they see.  I also make jokes about the indignities of being fat.  I find it funny.  Maybe my sense of humour is warped.  The thing is that I really like myself.  I would rather be slim and in the best shape possible, but I don’t really see this body I live in as being a big part of the definition of who I am.  I just consider it the house I live in.  On the outside it needs a lot of work because it has been neglected but that is just cosmetic.  The foundation is rock solid.  The interior is clever and artistic and colourful and well really pretty amazing!

I have in the past said I would not be seen in a bathing suit.  Not because I hated myself in a bathing suit but because I really was not prepared to deal with the push back I expected from others when they saw me in a bathing suit.  I have been angry with an injury or extra weight on my legs that is slowing me down.  I see those things as external to me like a broken front step that is a real annoyance.

I am often surprised when a person limits themselves and what they will do because of the way they look.  Why is appearance so important?  If you are looking for a job or a promotion or a significant other I guess it matters.  We all know people make decisions based on how you look.  If you are in a position where no important decisions are going to be made in your life based on your appearance why are you letting it worry you?  I am not saying let’s break out the brownies and stop brushing our hair.  There is no question we should do what we can to live a healthy life and do the things that make us feel good about ourselves.  If your house is attractive and clutter free you always feel happier about it.

I get it that the media bombards us with what to look like and what not to do and how to be.  You do know they are selling to you right?  Why not resist the sales pitch and instead set an example to others.  Walk out on the beach in any bathing suit you want and look people in the eye and smile at them like you have a secret.   Forget about what you look like and just be and do what you want!  Too Much?  Ok start smaller.  Wear something silly or sexy under your clothes and then grin at everybody.  That, I’m up to something,  grin is irresistible to everybody except maybe the most jaded critic!

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