For a while now I have been taking a Mindful Makeover course from JillFit on Facebook. Every day I get an email and assignments so I can figure out what is going on in my head and change a few things that need adjustments. I talked about the course in my post Noticing and Naming Journal. I have now reached the half-way point in the course and I am supposed to answer the following questions. I figured I would share with you so you. Partly so I can navel gaze with an audience that I won’t know if they yawn or leave before the intermission, so I can assume they are fascinated with my every thought.
So, I’m taking this “Mindset Makeover” course right now that will make my biggest asset (my mind! Not my sarcastic mouth!) even more shiny and beautiful than it is already. I started it a little skeptical because really who is going to tell me anything I don’t already know! I was pretty certain that I don’t talk negatively to myself and blah, I don’t really want to spend time journaling particularly as I can’t read my own writing. Well, you know how it is “the pride comes before a fall”. You know the original quote is “Pride goeth before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs, 16:18. Destruction? Dramatic much?
Today I received a junk email called Women over 40 Rules! I went ballistic. There was a lot of F***U. I trashed the email unread right away. I have just heard about my limit of ten ways I’m not cutting it and Bleep, Bleep, Bleep Emergency Bikini season, the world will end. Now, I have rules for women over 40. Well I’m over 50 so … What is the sound you make when you stick out your tongue and do a raspberry? UGH!
I can just tell this article is going to feel like giving a speech while naked! OK lets rip off the band-aid! I lost a pile of weight. I put a little bit back on and I have been sitting at the same weight for almost 2 years. Up 10 pounds then down 10 pounds. I’ll grant you I have tried some experiments that did not work out and I learned a few things about myself. I’ve been injured more than once for a long time now and that has added an extra level of difficulty to the challenge, but still I have a minimum of 150 pounds still to lose. I should be able to make some progress unless of course I am sabotaging my efforts. Dum, Dum, Dumb! The only reason to do that would be fear! So, what am I afraid of? Well like most people I am not a big risk taker and change is a risk. I have experienced some of my highest highs after taking a risk so I know stepping out of my comfort zone can be amazing. Hanging around in this big body, in my big comfortable chair, in my private … Continue reading
At one time you were a 17 year old high school geek praying it wasn’t going to be square dancing day or yoga day or gymnastics day in gym class. You hoped you were not picked last for team sports and that you were invisible when changing in the locker room. Most people had the same experience in gym class. There was something you were not good at and the potential for embarrassing debacles was high. That’s right you have spent years erasing that 17 year old twit from your memory. You’re a responsible adult that others look to for guidance. You don’t stammer and stutter your way through a meeting. You are clear, concise and effective. So how come that 17 year old is the one making your decisions about fitness? I can’t join a health club! I won’t fit in! I won’t know what to do! People will look at me and laugh behind my back!
I have been meaning to write about self-hate for a while, but I just have not felt really qualified to speak on the topic. I have had people tell me that I don’t like myself or that I have low self-esteem. I think maybe they are making an assumption based on the way I look. I am a complainer maybe that is what they see. I also make jokes about the indignities of being fat. I find it funny. Maybe my sense of humour is warped. The thing is that I really like myself. I would rather be slim and in the best shape possible, but I don’t really see this body I live in as being a big part of the definition of who I am. I just consider it the house I live in. On the outside it needs a lot of work because it has been neglected but that is just cosmetic. The foundation is rock solid. The interior is clever and artistic and colourful and well really pretty amazing!