For a while now I have been taking a Mindful Makeover course from JillFit on Facebook. Every day I get an email and assignments so I can figure out what is going on in my head and change a few things that need adjustments. I talked about the course in my post Noticing and Naming Journal. I have now reached the half-way point in the course and I am supposed to answer the following questions. I figured I would share with you so you. Partly so I can navel gaze with an audience that I won’t know if they yawn or leave before the intermission, so I can assume they are fascinated with my every thought.
Yesterday I was annoyed as I often am in general. I was attempting the front crawl in the pool and unfortunately at my weight I am just too buoyant. I can feel that my butt is out of the water ‘cause there is just that much junk in the trunk. My back is arched too much because my breasts want to head for the surface as well. When I do the back crawl all is fine. My body is supported low in the water by my inner-tube butt and the chest is no longer an issue. Unfortunately you can’t zone out doing back crawl or you will hit the wall so that workout becomes boring fast.
Don’t get excited yet! I still have to prove my theory through rigorous trials! I want to let my ten loyal readers know first! Yeah, I am using exclamation points on the end of each sentence. I am restraining myself from capitalizing every line so … deal with it! There is a possibility that I have found the magic bullet that allows me to lose weight almost effortlessly! I know! I know! I am this close to tears believe me! Will this cure work for you? UHhhh, I dunno!
You may recall I wrote an article about Holley called “She’s 350 Pounds Olympics Bound”. Holley is a weight lifter and although she had no expectation of placing in the Olympics she did secure 10th place. She says she is joining Biggest Loser as a contestant because she feels her weight was one of the reasons she didn’t place higher even though in the past she felt it was a benefit in her sport. She had considered retiring from the sport but has changed her mind and wants to compete in the next Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. In order to join Biggest Loser she was forced to pull out of the Pan American Championships and the World University Games because of scheduling conflicts.
I can just tell this article is going to feel like giving a speech while naked! OK lets rip off the band-aid! I lost a pile of weight. I put a little bit back on and I have been sitting at the same weight for almost 2 years. Up 10 pounds then down 10 pounds. I’ll grant you I have tried some experiments that did not work out and I learned a few things about myself. I’ve been injured more than once for a long time now and that has added an extra level of difficulty to the challenge, but still I have a minimum of 150 pounds still to lose. I should be able to make some progress unless of course I am sabotaging my efforts. Dum, Dum, Dumb! The only reason to do that would be fear! So, what am I afraid of? Well like most people I am not a big risk taker and change is a risk. I have experienced some of my highest highs after taking a risk so I know stepping out of my comfort zone can be amazing. Hanging around in this big body, in my big comfortable chair, in my private … Continue reading
Ok so I have decided to tackle one of those topics that I just don’t really feel fully prepared for. Of course my computer wants to misbehave and ding at me instead of record my brilliant observations. I figure if I am going to put myself out there on the internet and talk about being fat I have to expect that people are going to think I speak for fat people in general. Umm No I speak for me! I can only guess what other fat people think, do or know, just like you. I also get a little irritated when somebody gets up on their soap box and says I speak for fat people or women or any other group that I belong to. Yeah I get it! If we are all speaking for ourselves to the world what you get is noise and no clear message. So here goes, this is what I believe about fat people. I believe that everybody has the right to respect and equal opportunities.
Food is my kryptonite. My relationship with food is complex and dysfunctional. It has been that way most of my life. I have messed around with food for so many years that I have no sense of hunger nor do I recall ever having that feeling. Now that I have a hernia my stomach will let me know it has been too long since I have eaten by giving me heartburn. I do get very persistent cravings which can last for many hours regardless of what I eat or do not eat. I am often almost paralyzed in my inability to select food that will satisfy my needs. This is because simple nutrition is not the only need that food meets.
Uhhhhhh! Woof, Woof, Woof! Breath! OK. Today I’m going to talk about the thing that scares me. But first I’ll talk around the edges of the topic. Then I’ll hint at the topic and run away to some other slightly related story. Then maybe I’ll pull off the scab and say it. People say I am brave for actually putting my real weight on this web site and putting up a picture of myself in a swimsuit. That is nothing! Here it is my personal kryptonite. I am a binge eater! Wow! I am shaky! I usually avoid talking about food because I have so much anxiety about it. I’m sure anybody that has had a weight problem can relate to this.