Inner Food Bully

Let's hope outdated thinking goes down in the first round!

Let’s hope outdated thinking goes down in the first round!

Well, I’m several weeks into my new routine.  I still haven’t seen much happiness from the scale, but I am using a different scale so that could be a factor.  I look a little different so something is going on as a result of the extra exercise.  With 2 hours of swimming 5 days a week I have gotten kind of dried out and itchy and my hair is going all tumble weed on me.  I do feel better as my joints are happier with all the water work.  I guess I need to stop whining about the scale and realize what a big deal it is to feel better!
The whining has resulted in me realizing how messed up my relationship with food is.  I have been extra anxious about eating right since what I have been eating wasn’t resulting in weight loss.  Well guess what happens when I am all anxious about food?  I research my choices endlessly and then I go and look at my choices and then I leave frustrated because I can’t commit to any choice other than the ones that were already not working for me.  The “you should”, “you could”, “you better” talk is getting to me and I am fighting it.  I refuse to have kale or quinoa or chick peas because I should have them.  A person who is trying to eat healthy would eat them.  That person certainly wouldn’t have a burger.  So guess what?  I want that burger bad as a result.  On paper I am eating pretty well but I am stressed out and I have to change my thinking.
I am going to try thinking in terms of giving myself the gift of trying new foods.  Just trying them not committing to a meal.  If I like something then I can have more.  I am also going to stop researching menus and ingredients.

Three Bum Salute to holiday cookie pushers!

Three Bum Salute to holiday cookie pushers!

I am doing really well on the holiday party feasting so far!  I am pretty conscious of the idea that those cookies and candies are not going to make me feel great later.  It’s funny that I have always been good at dealing with peer pressure to eat things at this time of the year.  It is my inner bully pushing me around that causes me all the problems.


Inner Food Bully — 16 Comments

    • Thanks Joyce!
      Your the person that showed me that I was beating myself up with food choices.
      It is so weird but, I still have not started trying new foods even after this article. I am really in temper tantrum mode over my perception of food as good or bad and not wanting to be told even by me what to do.
      OK I’m going now! I know exactly where they keep the kelp. I should I’ve looked at it enough times.

  1. “you should”, “you could”, “you better”. It’s all so overwhelming and stressful. But even one small little change of “I will” and “I did” is moving in the right direction. You can do it! xo

    • Thanks!! This is no big deal! I’m just going to go and get a small salad of mystery stuff. People seem to like it and if I don’t I can just throw it out and try something else tomorrow.

  2. Lunch today:
    Hot sauce on my chickpeas! Like you can’t warn a girl!
    For the record the green couscous with the ferns tastes like pickles. Otherwise I loved the multi-coloured beans with corn and the spinach.

  3. I’m not a fan of the foods that you “should” eat – I just try to keep my diet balanced – nothing is completely off limits just in smaller amounts sometimes – much easier than saying “no more potato chips!!”

    • Hi Kim!
      I’ve messed around with my diet and stress over the years so much that I don’t have much wiggle room with food. My body always thinks I’m in distress and need to pack on some weight.
      I’m also one of those people that just can’t have one treat. Once I have a taste I will go get more. I find it easier just not to start.

  4. I love that me vs. me poster, Cindy! 😀

    Remember, despite all the trials and tribulations you have gone through, you are still on course. You may err in the navigation from time to time, but the general direction is correct!

    • Thanks! I have to watch out for that all perfect NOW thinking and realize that I made one change a month ago and have stuck to it. That is pretty good!

  5. Hi Cindy,

    Do you drink a lot of water each day, between 3/4 and 1 gallon a day? This will help cut down on the amount of food you eat a day and will help you until you become steady with good food choices.

    • I just did the math. I drink about 3/4 of a gallon of water plus about 8oz of coffee per day. I do sweat a lot of that out in my morning workout so I have had dehydration headaches before during my workouts. I’m actually not a big volume eater just a too many empty carbs eater it seems.

      • I was just thinking if you weren’t drinking enough eater, which you are, then drinking more water would keep you full longer so you would have less room when you do eat food that may not be the best for you to eat.

  6. We all know that bully. She gets around. Would you consider that program that delivers all you meals to the house? No choices that way, you eat what you get. And you will get to try new foods. You are doing well in the determination department. Give yourself all the credit for that.

  7. Here’s my weird-ass 2 cents:

    I think the bully is trying to protect you, her heart is in the right place and she wants you to feel good about yourself, but she’s really clumsy and clueless about how best to do that. Those inner bullies, I think, probably come from an old, childhood place where things seem black and white and scary. You can still include her in the conversation, and listen to what she’s TRYING to say, without taking on any abusive crap.

    Like if your inner bully says, “you shouldn’t eat that you pig, you have no self control” and it makes you want it more? You might ask “what are you trying to tell me? Say it more gently and I might at least listen to you and have a little less than I would have otherwise. Or not! It’s up to me.”

    Sounds weird, buts sometimes if the protective and harsh parts of us can be integrated and included, they start becoming more of a sensible, conscious dialog about choices and repercussions, and not just a reflexive crappy feeling of low self-esteem and hopelessness. And as the protective voices start getting more reasonable, they become easier to listen to! (All easier said than done, but not impossible!) 🙂

    • Oye! What is my food bully really trying to say. When I think about foods that I know they are comfortable like a warm blanket you want to snuggle into. When I think of foods I don’t know that are healthier foods I think of that attractive put together (i.e. controlled) fit person that I would think eats them. This person is driven and well not the image of a warm person. Huh! I think I need to change that.
      Blah! Why do I have to make food symbols for other things.

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