Leave the legs ALONE!

This is an open letter to a certain trainer. How many times do I have to tell you to take it easy on the legs? I need to use them every day, all day! I can function just fine (OK maybe with a lot of grumbling) with sore chest, or arms, or abs, even a sore butt. As long as my hands work and my legs work, I’m good. OK if I’m super tired I’m useless and basically dangerous as well, that’s a given.

Women Over 40

Today I received a junk email called Women over 40 Rules!  I went ballistic. There was a lot of F***U.  I trashed the email unread right away.  I have just heard about my limit of ten ways I’m not cutting it and Bleep, Bleep, Bleep Emergency Bikini season, the world will end.  Now, I have rules for women over 40.  Well I’m over 50 so … What is the sound you make when you stick out your tongue and do a raspberry? UGH!

Buoyancy

Yesterday I was annoyed as I often am in general.  I was attempting the front crawl in the pool and unfortunately at my weight I am just too buoyant.  I can feel that my butt is out of the water ‘cause there is just that much junk in the trunk.  My back is arched too much because my breasts want to head for the surface as well. When I do the back crawl all is fine.  My body is supported low in the water by my inner-tube butt and the chest is no longer an issue.  Unfortunately you can’t zone out doing back crawl or you will hit the wall so that workout becomes boring fast.

Getting Started is the Key

My trainer just came back from a conference where they emphasized getting your hapless victims customers to step outside their comfort zone.  Yeah … after the butt-kicking he gave me there was no zone, no place and not even a lazy-boy of comfort to step away from.  In fairness I think he actually went easy on me but I lived the good life while he was away and now it is time to pay up. Anyway in an effort to follow his new mantra I did go out to buy wireless headphones so I can Zumba or Dance to the Oldies along with my TV and not be interrupted by rude people banging on my front door wanting me to stop the music.  Now they will just get to hear the soothing sound of my off key solo singing and stomping to the oldies.

Happiness Is…

This Fat Chick gal sure is arrogant!  She disappears of the blog-o-sphere for a month and then comes back and thinks she can define happiness for everybody.  No I am not back from vacation or some other amazing experience I have actually been just mopping along spending too much time at work and not enough time on myself.  In fact in the spirit of being a mopey, grouchy pants I’m not going to share the ultimate secret of happiness, but I will tell you what made me happy today!  Coyote piss!

Naked Hot Tub!

Bet this title got your attention.  I wonder if I can get my site on a banned list this way. Todays topic is sleep.  Keep reading long enough and I will get to the hot tub.  I have had trouble sleeping for more than 30 years.  What do I do about it?  Well for years I did nothing.  I generally felt OK during the day with 4 to 6 hours sleep so I didn’t worry about it.  Generally I fall asleep at my usual time just fine and wake up 2 to 3 hours later to go to the bathroom.  This is when the problem begins.  I am wide awake.  I usually read for 2 to 3 hours and then sleep lightly for another 2 hours.  Again I am wide awake and running out of time to get more sleep.  If it is the weekend I can read for a few hours and take another 1 hour nap.  If it is a weekday there is no more sleep.

Just One Thing

I have to say I love a good tool!  Not the latest 12-in-1 wrench, knife, corkscrew … tool although I love that kind as well.  No I’m not talking about THAT guy at work either.  I mean an idea that can make it a bit easier to get things done. When I first started changing my life and going to the gym.  I used a tool.  I called it “Just One Thing”.  You see it is easier for me to deal with challenges if I simplify it.  Each day I told myself that I had to do “Just One Thing”.  Is the suspense killing you yet?

Endorphins 101

A couple years ago I was pushing myself pretty hard lifting weights under the direction of my trainer.  I was tired and whining as is my way and the trainer told me to just keep going and enjoy the endorphins.  I gave him the look.  You know the one!  On a side note, it does my heart good when I guy suddenly realizes he is in danger and he gets that stunned look on his face as his body kicks into fight or flight and you are the person who put that look there!  Let me explain why my trainer almost died.  I am all about fair play so if I am due some prize for busting my butt lifting weights somebody had better make sure I get my prize.  To my knowledge I have never experienced endorphins or “runners high”.  If running is required to capture these endorphins then I see where the problem is and I’ll pass on the prize thanks! So how do I get my fair share of endorphins?  Is this a myth made up by people who like to see fat chicks run?