It’s time for another Squeamish Moments Session with Cindy! Yeah!! I feel like Crusty the Clown, Hey, Hey,Hey!! Any guys reading this can leave now. This article is about girl stuff!!
You would think I was one of those kids that brought her snake to school or ate earth worms. Nope I ran away screaming from that kid but I always looked from a safe distance. This article is kind of like that.
I was reading http://www.curvygirlguide.com/health-2/how-to-install-pelvic-flooring/ and since I loved her title I used it. I steal all my best work.
She recommends Kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor so that you can do jumping jacks without peeing on yourself. Hey, statistics say that 1 in 3 woman who have gone through child birth have this condition so don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about. The young gals can learn something here as well. Imagine the fun when you have developed strong pelvic muscles and can shoot out baby number one alien style. If you don’t manage to scare the doctor I’m sure any family that has been invited will provide the desired reaction.
Anyway, if the Kegels are not working for you, you can opt for surgery or physical therapy. This is when the article enters the “Squeamish Moments” zone.
“Physical therapy? Meaning the same thing that you have to do when you have a gimp knee or are recovering from a stroke? As it turns out, yes. In many physical therapy facilities, there’s a secret back room where you have to put your panties in your purse and spread your legs on a paper-lined table so a person who is not your gynecologist can stick her finger inside your lady envelope and rate your pelvic floor on a scale of 1-5. It’s like vagina Olympics! Only no gold medals, and no access to McDonalds!”
Uh Huh! OK I’m a big girl no big deal.
I have to squeeze my pelvic floor muscles around a hard rubber tampon thing. The rubber tampon is connected to a machine that measures the strength of the muscle contractions.
OK stop right there! I am not doing vagina push ups with a therapist/tang trainer telling me to feel the burn. First, if anything is burning down there we have a problem. Second, a little respect PLEASE!! Next they will want you to party your coochie down to a beat by Lady Gaga! Hmm, I wonder what song would be appropriate?
The second strategy is to stick acupuncture-like needles in my spine and butt to try and activate some nerve activity
Well of course. Let’s finish this off with a butt full of needles!