So, I’m taking this “Mindset Makeover” course right now that will make my biggest asset (my mind! Not my sarcastic mouth!) even more shiny and beautiful than it is already. I started it a little skeptical because really who is going to tell me anything I don’t already know! I was pretty certain that I don’t talk negatively to myself and blah, I don’t really want to spend time journaling particularly as I can’t read my own writing. Well, you know how it is “the pride comes before a fall”. You know the original quote is “Pride goeth before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs, 16:18. Destruction? Dramatic much?
So, on day two you know it, journaling! “Noticing and naming the thoughts in your head”. I’m supposed to notice when I have negative thoughts and write them down and then work back and figure out what triggered those negative thoughts. I’m thinking that notebook I bought is going to be pretty empty. I never get upset about being pretty enough, or slim enough or get down on myself for making a mistake with my food. I just move on and do my best. Could I be any more virtuous and perfect?
So I am walking out of the gym grumbling under my breath … wait a second my brain says that seems negative. I’m having an imaginary argument between me and my perception of other people’s expectations for me. In other words I’m having an argument with myself. DARN! OK write it down and follow it back. I’m grumbling because I felt I had to do something that was socially expected and acceptable to other people even though I disagree with it. I’m mad with myself because I caved in. I’m not going to give you the details ‘cause that’s a whole other article and I want to stay on topic.
So, I start every paragraph with so! I talk like that as well in real life! This morning I am talking to my trainer about the journaling and Mr. Helpful kindly points out another way that I’m negative. Like this is a bloody group project! Great, anybody else want to jump in here? Anyway, I start a lot of sentences with anyway as well. He points out that I often have trouble committing to new exercises because I have decided I can’t do them before I have even tried. OK! Yeah, I have done the dance where you bend your knees and bounce up and down about 5 times but are too scared to commit and try. Then I do a couple slow walk-throughs before I figure out I can do it. I call that being sensible!!!! I have common sense and I don’t want to break any of my parts. Of course there was the time I wouldn’t commit to going all the way down on the push ups and he pointed out that the farthest I could fall was one foot, so maybe he has a point. So, I guess that is just fear of the unknown.
I also sometimes get into kind of a chant going of “This Sucks” when I have to do really tough exercises particularly if I am really hot or panting for breath. Sometimes I can turn that around into “I think I can” and “watch this I am impressive now”. That only happens because IT SUCKS and would it really kill you people to get a dehumidifier or a window that opens!!!!
It should be interesting to see what else ends up in my journal. Could be useful assuming I can decipher my shorthand!