Leave the legs ALONE!

I don't even own a rolling pin.  I use a wine bottle!  Tee Hee!!! But, this is how I'm feel!

I don’t even own a rolling pin. I use a wine bottle! Tee Hee!!! But, this is how I feel!

This is an open letter to a certain trainer. How many times do I have to tell you to take it easy on the legs? I need to use them every day, all day! I can function just fine (OK maybe with a lot of grumbling) with sore chest, or arms, or abs, even a sore butt. As long as my hands work and my legs work, I’m good. OK if I’m super tired I’m useless and basically dangerous as well, that’s a given.

Why do I need the legs sooooo bad? Yes I need to get from point A to B, but I’m a princess I’ll get a taxi if I’m suffering in any way. What I do need, which proved almost impossible this morning is to be able to get down to the stupid toilet which is at the appropriate height to accommodate a toddler and then more importantly I need to get back up. I find it imperative to perform this ritual several times a day! I’m funny that way!

Making a big production of it with noises and cursing and gripping of doorways is all well and good when one is at home. When one is at work in a flimsy stall, with witnesses and the stupid auto-flush giving me a butt wash every time I move, this is a herculean task! Well, I knew the day would eventually come when I would have to do the unthinkable. Sigh! I had to lean forward and grab the underside of the stall door. Yep! That zone of unknown cleanliness! I had to make use of it in order to maintain my dignity and get off the pot! I was careful.  I just pray nobody saw my fingers on the outside of the door. I’m not the shy type but, that is too freaky!Scared Runner

How did I get in this terrible state? I am blaming a certain trainer and his love affair with squats and the word lower!!

OK FINE, I love, love, love  my trainer but, I’m a little traumatized right now!

Hey!  Now I can perform a scientific test to find out which of my friends read my blog right away!  If they dodge when I go to pat them on the shoulder in greeting, then they have seen my post.  If they don’t respond I give them a neck massage and then tell them this story. Eh, maybe not their all sweaty buggers!

UPDATE:  If I seem cranky in this article from yesterday you should see me today!!


Leave the legs ALONE! — 9 Comments

  1. Cindy, I warned you about that trainer, he says he is from Mexico, I tell everyone I know the truth that he is really a runaway from South America, he was chief of the torture camps there. The more his trainees moan and groan the more he fashions that evil grin (watch for it, his eyes light up at the same time)

    • It’s amazing the crap a person will do for a little “Very Good” out of that man! I don’t want to make him mad though or he will make me work out on the 4th floor in the heat! On Tuesday I was on the 2nd floor and even there I ended up chucking my yoga pants 15 minutes into the workout and just wearing my bathing suit because I was so hot!

    • If I ever offered you a neck massage for real how suspicious would you be?
      Which reminds me. June totally threw me under the bus today. Two gals were bickering back and forth about how to change the settings on their phone and I decided I didn’t want to get into it because … well I’m a jerk! June breaks it up by telling them I’m an expert! Ahhhh! I don’t do phones! I know about as much as anybody else that owns a phone. So I had to fix the phone and apologize for not speaking up.

    • Uh! NOooooo! I am down here in one of Dante’s circles of Hell! Although I think tomorrow will be a better day and the contrast will have me being very grateful!

  2. This was hilarious! But how weird is it that it makes me slightly jealous? I haven’t worked my legs hard enough to face the toilet seat conundrum in quite a while. Perhaps I need a sadistic trainer!

    • You are weird! Nobody should find themselves in a situation where fitness forced them to bare handed touch mystery public bathroom surfaces! There is a line and it has been crossed!

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