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Food is my kryptonite.   My relationship with food is complex and dysfunctional.  It has been that way most of my life.  I have messed around with food for so many years that I have no sense of hunger nor do I recall ever having that feeling.  Now that I have a hernia my stomach will let me know it has been too long since I have eaten by giving me heartburn.  I do get very persistent cravings which can last for many hours regardless of what I eat or do not eat.  I am often almost paralyzed in my inability to select food that will satisfy my needs.  This is because simple nutrition is not the only need that food meets.    When I have trouble making a good decision I will either make no decision and not eat or make a bad carb loaded bad decision which will put me into a carb coma where my brain is quiet.  When I delay eating for hours or even a day I am pretty much guaranteeing that when I do eat I will binge on carbs.  This is pretty much a classic binge and starve scenario that sends my body into a tailspin.  I know what you are thinking, just eat a salad until you are full.  Sometimes that will work but, often I will eat my salad without ever being satisfied.  A few hours after the salad I am looking for something to fill my emotional needs.  It becomes like an itch I cannot scratch that is getting worse.

Because I have such anxiety associated with food I require that food be as small a part of my day as possible.  I need to stay on a schedule, be consistent and avoid making decisions about food.  For this reason I am often on a food delivery program.  Right now I am eating the www.personalgourmet.com plan by Rose Riesman.  I get the frozen food once a week.  I prefer the frozen plan as it allows me to decide each day while I am holding the freezer door what I will eat.  I have been on the fresh daily delivery plan which is excellent but I had problems with not wanting the food I had selected for a particular day once that day arrived.

I have also used www.liciousliving.com .  I loved the egg white omelets from Licious Living, but I found their program did not provide as much fish as I like.  I also found that the quality of the food could sometimes vary.  When I am paying top dollar for my food the quality has to always be top notch.

I do get bored with the food delivery every so often so I will often go off the plan for a couple weeks and during that time I will eat grocery store bought diet frozen dinners and take out diet food.

I don’t cook.  I can cook.  I used to cook on the weekend and freeze food for the rest of the week.  I plan to experiment with cooking again.  If I treat it as an experiment rather than part of my routine I think I will have better success with it and I can add greater variety to my meals.  I can also confront my food anxieties more directly.