I was reading a post written by Christine at A Deliberate Life on F.E.A.R. (how to kick it in the @ss) and well I got an uncomfortable wake up call. She talked about “If I had anxiety, I avoided the situation” and “I had created a safe circle from which I could scurry out, grab what would maintain a minimum existence, and then I would scurry back home.”. Ah Oh!! I often joke that I am Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. I drag what I need into my cave/home and guard my precious/recliner. Just like the ring my recliner is my reward and comfort but also my prison as is my house. I find I am very reluctant to participate in dinners and extra activities making the excuse that my hernia and food problems just make it too difficult. I wonder how bad my hernia flair ups would really be if I dealt with my anxiety better.
Well it seems I have some work to do and I am actually excited about it. Instead of my usual plan of conquering this entire problem in one bite and ending up with a big backlash I am going to take little bites. I should make small changes that get me out of the house more. I have a confession. I have never been to the local markets that my friends always talk about. I never go to art shows or festivals or plays. Maybe once a month I will plan to see something I have never seen. Yep there it is the Yikes I don’t want to feeling! Change! Entering the unknown!! I also need to counter balance the extra stress. Swimming will help there as long as the pool isn’t crazy. Hmm this isn’t going to be easy! I have been hiding out for too long!