I have decided to deal with my backlog of half-finished blog postings. Ugh! Most of these articles just spin around all over the place never getting anywhere. Others have a good idea but I just don’t seem to be able to get the entirety of the idea out of my head and stuck onto a page in some sort of coherent manner. Hmm I was about to say I should have paid attention in English class but, I don’t remember ever being taught how to write. I remember being taught how to write different types of poetry and learning the parts of an essay. Oh right I probably wasn’t paying attention and that’s why I don’t remember. Yeah, all I cared about was if there was an assignment and how many words did they want.
Below is something I wrote about anxiety a while back and it isn’t bad. I would just update it but, I have had some improvement so some of this is history now.
I had some trouble today with anxiety as I often do when I push myself with the trainer. Well I didn’t really push myself that hard to tell the truth. I anticipated that I might have a problem as I was sick Sunday and Monday with hernia problems. I succeeded in sabotaging my workout for a time by going too fast and breathing too fast. I then scared myself into a momentary stomach upset which I get if I am too anxious so I stopped and I started again and I stopped and I moved on to the next exercise and I stopped. So I took a break but I knew my head was not in a good place. My trainer changed up my exercises giving me more control by switching from timed exercises to a number of reps. Now that I felt I had more control and I knew when the exercise would end I was able to slow down and think about the muscles I was using and control my breathing. Now you may think I am too hard on myself and when I reread this that is what I see as well. I am not down on myself about this workout I am actually really pleased that I finished out the session. I could have just as easily have walked away believing this was only going to get worse if I pushed myself.
No I have to figure out how to deal with this problem.
One problem is that I race. When something is physically difficult I have to watch my speed and breathing which are linked. I guess I am a brute force kind of girl. If there is a big job to do just hit it harder and faster and lose yourself in the rhythm. Probably why I am not a fan of ballads. Going slow feels boring but also you get to feel each muscle and what it is doing which is OK but sometimes more information than I want to deal with. It can get a little grim if you are feeling each muscle complaining as you move through an exercise. I know some people thrive on that but I’m not there yet.
Well I haven’t been getting nauseated during my workouts in a while. My trainer made some changes so I am too busy to let negative thinking get me to that point. He reduced my reps and increased the number of exercises I do in a series so I am constantly changing to the next exercise and actually I pretty much do what I’m told now unless something isn’t working. I still give him the look of death and ask him why he wants to be so mean to an old fat lady. Recently we have started increasing the reps on many of the exercises. We are also working on my breathing. I am finding that difficult. When I am controlling my breathing properly I often convince myself I am not getting enough air or I am dizzy. Lies!!!
I am also getting a better feel for what I can eat that will keep my hernia from being an issue. Good-bye all tomato sauce covered delicacies.
Anyway this anxiety thing does have a lot of faces. I will find I have a good tool for dealing with the difficult people induced anxiety but that tool isn’t the right one for my anxiety that is the result of my false perceptions caused by looking for problems. At least I now know what I have to work on. I used to think I was one of those people that just rolled with the punches. Hmm, topics for another time.
Anybody have some suggestions for learning to take control of your thoughts and stop looking for problems?